My Hands Smell Like Burning

"And there's nothin' cold as ashes/after the fire is gone."
- Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty, from "After the Fire Is Gone" (L.E. White)

THE REASON

My new slow cooker is a bit more powerful than my old one, apparently. I threw together a simple stew in the slow cooker before heading off to work this morning. It (the recipe) is an old standby and has never, ever failed me. It's called Merlot Beef Ragout, is from "Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Recipes For Two," and is exactly what it sounds like: hunks of stew meat, some onions, garlic, canned tomatoes, and a bunch of red wine. I brown everything beforehand just so I don't feel too guilty about how easy it is. I've had it over rice, noodles, and spaetzle, and it's always delicious.

THE RUIN

Well, I've never called home halfway through the day and told my husband he should help himself to some of the slow cooker food for lunch. That's what we did today, and I guess the small quantity of food remaining in the pot, combined with my unfamiliarity with the strength of the new slow cooker, were what made my dinner the way it was tonight. I came home and the Wednesday D&D group was already in full swing (yes, I know I mentioned a D&D game going on in my Monday post as well - it's been an odd week). The living room window was wide open. I walked to the slow cooker. The first thing I noticed was that there was no liquid in the pot. The second thing I noticed was that about 50% of the food was tinged with black. The third thing I noticed was the presence of charcoal (formerly beans and meat) around the edges, and the strong smell of smoke. I asked, "Did you open the window to get rid of the burning smell?" Someone muttered some excuse about it being hot.

THE RESCUE

I was able to add some beef broth and reconstitute most of it, leaving the ring of briquettes around the edge. I put it over some pasta and topped it with some leftover mizithra and green onions, and it wasn't bad. I'm still going to get some pizza action when the mages and... what are the other ones called? clerics? dwarves? ... behind me have dinner in a while, though. And my hands really do smell like burning. Still.

THE REBOUND

So for now, I'm going to daydream about dinner tomorrow! I guess it's just a bean kind of week (tried to think of a pun involving the word "legume" - couldn't), because I'm thinking I'll try one of the bean recipes in The Splendid Table's "How To Eat Supper": Refried Beans with Cinnamon and Clove. YUM! I've never even thought of combining those things. And it looks like they throw in some kidney beans, too.

Here's the recipe for the Merlot Beef Ragout (that "u" is supposed to have a pointy hat on it), since this carcino-charcoal experience I had tonight was a total aberration and it's normally sweet-tastic.

Serves 2 with leftovers

Setting and cook time: Low for 7 to 8 hours; optional to cook on high for last 45 minutes (Carrina's note: ... or whatever amount of time you want to cook it until the meat is tender. Sometimes I cook it 3 or 4 hours on high instead).

1 3/4 pounds lean, boneless beef stew meat, chuck or bottom round, trimmed of fat and cut into 1 1/2-inch chunks
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 medium-size onions, chopped
1 clove garlic, crushed
One 14.5-ounce can diced peeled tomatoes, drained (Carrina's note: or just chop up canned whole tomatoes; they're less salty and more, you know, "rustic")
1 cup dry red wine, such as Merlot (Carrina's note: or such as the awesome boxed red wines they are putting out these days, since then you can spend around $5/bottle for a decent wine, AND keep it around for weeks)



1. Sprinkle the cubes of beef with salt and pepper. In a large saute pan over medium-high heat, heat the oil until very hot (Carrina's note: take off glasses now). Add half of the beef and brown on all sides, 3-4 minutes. Transfer to the slow cooker. Repeat the browning with the remaining beef.

2. Add the onions to the skillet and brown slightly over medium-high heat; add the garlic and cook just for 15 seconds or so, then add the onions and garlic to the crock.

3. Pour the tomatoes and wine into the saute pan and raise the heat to high. Stir constantly while bringing to a boil, scraping up the browned bits accumulated on the bottom of the pan. Pour into the crock. Cover and cook on low for 7 to 8 hours, until the meat is tender.

4. During the last 45 minutes of cooking, check the consistency. If the juices are too thin for you, increase the heat to high and leave the cover off (Carrina's note: now that I have a non-digital slow cooker that doesn't short-circuit every time I take the lid off, I can actually follow this step! Huzzah!), letting some moisture evaporate. Serve hot.

From Beth Hensperger's "Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Recipes For Two"

Smoky Slow Cooker Chili, without the slow cooker

"I'm a low-brow but I rock a little know-how."

- the Red Hot Chili Peppers

THE (spicy) HISTORY

The last time I attempted this recipe, I stirred in a little shame as an afterthought, and was less than pleased with the results. The shame developed because I hate to waste food. I used chipotle chili powder instead of regular (I was out!) and (this was the true meal-killer) used probably 1/4 of a cup of "El Pato" hot sauce. I thought I was compensating for the fact that I had no "Mexican hot-style tomato sauce [such as El Paso]," but in fact, I pulled a Jeffrey Rowland and overcompensated, rendering the chili inedible. My husband and I managed to choke a little down, but when I couldn't finish a bowl even after diluting it with two hunks of cornbread and with two glasses of water by my side, I knew there was not a lot of hope for the rest of the batch. So bring out... REMATCH!

THE CHANGES

First of all, some mods. I used the pound of ground pork and the smoked ham hock (I'll put a smoked ham hock in anything but breakfast cereal), but omitted the pound of boneless pork shoulder. It just sounded like an extra step that I didn't need, especially when I always end up soaking more beans than I need and hence have more protein than I know what to do with anyway. Which brings me to my next modification: dried beans over canned. Canned beans are saltier and more expensive, which is not to say I don't use them, but my cheapskate side gets a little irked when a recipe tells me to use canned and I already have dried. So, I used dried - which meant that I had a very late dinner indeed.

I also used only a handful of pinto beans - the rest were pink beans. Google tells me that "another common term for pink beans is chili beans" (recipezaar.com), so I hope I'm in the clear. If only I hadn't squandered all of my pintos on that capsaicin-fueled nightmare last week!

I guess I made only three other modifications:

1) still couldn't find that elusive "Mexican hot-style tomato sauce [such as El Paso]" and used a can of tomato sauce and a few squirts of "El PaTo" hot sauce instead,

2) squirrelled away a couple of ounces of beer for myself in spite of the author's admonishment to use 12 oz instead of a cup if cooking on the stovetop, and

3) omitted the cilantro on top at the end because I forgot that my husband, and his aversion to said herb, would be out of the house playing Dungeons and Dragons tonight - so didn't buy any. Oh, and I guess modification number

4) is that I didn't use the slow cooker for this recipe. I was planning on using it, right up until late last night when I realized I'd have to get up at 4:45 to prepare this for the slow cooker and still get to work on time. Eeewww. Anyway, I just used my Dutch oven instead.

THE WORK

First, I browned a pound of ground pork. I have to say, though, that I think this chili would be yummy without the meat, as long as you put in a little chipotle chili to keep the smoky flavor from the ham hock, and kept the beer.

Then, I put the pork in a different container and sauteed the onion, pepper, and then garlic (added at the last minute) in the pot where the pork had been. Sauteeing onions is one of my favorite things to do because 1) my stomach knows that it means that some kind of soup is on the way, and 2) unless I forget about the pot and go downstairs to do laundry, I can't really screw it up.

Next, I added the tomato paste. The recipe had me sautee it with the onions and peppers for 3 minutes, I guess to just keep cooking the whole mixture down? And then, the beer. I love adding alcohol to a sizzling dish. It opens up another whole family of aromas.

I then added the rest of the herbs and spices, tomatoes, beans, hot sauce, smoked ham hock... and... the tomatillos! They're my favorite - they're so cute! Here's one to do a little striptease for us now:

I love the teensy seeds!

Despite their individual charms, however, the tomatillos ended up spending their night in service to the greater good: my chili.

After adding the tomatillos, I covered the pot and settled in for a looooong, hungry, 2.5 hours.

Here's a glimpse of the pink beans about halfway through. They really are pink!

When the 2.5 hours were up, I pulled out the ham hock, shredded the meat, and threw the shreds back into the pot. Here's the defrocked ham hock:

Of course, even with 2.5 hours to spare while the chili was cooking, I forgot that I had a little prep work to do for the toppings. So at the last minute, so desperate from hunger (it was at least 9:30 at this point!) that I actually used the recipe as a cutting board, I chopped the green onions, crumbled the queso fresco, and hacked up some lime wedges.

(lime wedges not pictured)

Aaaaaaaaand, the final product!

I had some cornbread in the freezer from last week's failed attempt of the chili recipe. It thawed and reheated pretty nicely!

THE END!

I would make this chili again in a heartbeat (assuming we didn't already have chili leftovers in the fridge) using the slow cooker or the pressure cooker, but would probably not do it again in the Dutch oven unless I had all afternoon. Definitely NOT a weeknight dish with the dried beans. I might have been able to speed up the process a bit by cooking the beans with just the veggies and a non-acid cooking liquid for a while, adding the tomatoes and beer later (acid keeps beans from cooking quickly, right? I think I've read that). Even so, it's too big of a project for a Monday night, IMO.

I have to confess that my motivation for making this chili in the first place had a lot to do with the toppings. Here's how my line of reasoning went, even if I couldn't have articulated it at the time:

I love noodle bowls.

Noodle bowls (sometimes) have limes and green onions on top.

This chili has limes and green onions on top.

I will love this chili.

And hey, I did! But if you're going to make it, don't leave out the toppings. The tomatillos were fun, but not nearly noticeable enough to justify "trying something new" in a chili recipe all on their own. The stuff on top makes the meal!

Oh! the irony

Just spent what turned into five hours making a slow cooker chili recipe... without the benefit of a slow cooker. I'll post the story and pictures tomorrow. And now, bed!

Classic. I'm not going to say that I "forgot the attachment" (in the mental health world they say "I have an attachment disorder" - har, har), but one way or another, the adorable Dunkin' Donuts picture didn't make it up here on the first try. Let's give this another go.

Oh, and since I've already received a couple of comments on facebook re: the glove element to this shot: the gloves are not supposed to indicate that this coffee is a corrosive substance (any more than coffee already is). I just invested in a sweet new pair of Casabella water-stop gloves, and as the coffee, gloves, and thirty other pieces of clutter were hanging out together on the kitchen counter, I noticed that the gloves made the DD packaging look even purtier. So, I got them to pose for a picture together.

Not great, not bad, just... coffee. But, oh! the packaging!

Six to eight weeks ago, I stumbled upon the world of online free samples and sent my future self some tasty treats. The first free sample arrived last night: Dunkin' Donuts original blend coffee - medium roast. I brewed it up this morning, and I'm here to tell you that it's not bad, but I don't get what everyone raves about. When I opened up the packet I thought I smelled a little cinnamon - Mexican, not cassia - but the aroma didn't transfer to my cup o' joe. If the free sample box had come with a doughnut hole for me to set afloat in my coffee cup - like those hot chocolate packets that come with mini-marshmallows - that might have changed things. Does this coffee get attention because people are used to consuming it in between bites of frosted treats? A kind of publicly traded comfort food?

Anyway, I don't anticipate publishing many free-sample reviews in the future; but frankly, I love the colors of the accompanying picture and thought they might look nice against my blue background - I'm still having fun with all the formatting decisions I have to make. And posting this review gets me to post #3, which will be a charm! Tomorrow, I'm calling a re-match on a chili recipe that I tried last week, but essentially ruined (along with my husband's and my respective digestive tracts) by using an obscene amount of "El Pato" hot sauce to compensate for the fact that I had run out of chili powder.

... And we're off!

I've spent the last hour and a half formatting this page and playing around with different color combinations. That's how effective I am at dodging my own written word, when I don't want to put pen to paper (or fingerpads to keyboard. Note to self: do google search of blog-age expressions to stand in for "pen to paper," "pen mightier than sword," etc.). I could attempt to justify my hesitation to break the blog-ice by noting that my husband and I will be going out to dinner tonight, so I won't have any cooking travails to report on for at least 24 hours. In fact, as my justifications for not having anything to show for a writing assignment go, this is one of the better ones. But a post-less page looks silly, so I'm posting this introduction just to get rid of the empty space. Then, if I feel like it and can bear to do so on an empty stomach, perhaps I'll put up my brief review of a free sample of Dunkin Donuts coffee that I received in the mail last night. No promises, though - I'm starting out slow.